Career Options

Not my story, but makes for an interesting read

I could have been an Archaeologist
But I hate digging up the past..

A Florist
But then, Life is not a bed of roses..

A Hair Dresser
But why split hairs?

A Pilot
But Im down to earth…

So I became a Mechanical Engineer
B’coz I wanted to SCREW my life

WATER....

BUMPED ONTO THIS ARTICLE!!! READ ON CHEERS
IT HAS BEEN SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN THAT IF WE DRINK 1 LITRE OF WATER EACH DAY, AT THE END OF THE YEAR WE WOULD HAVE ABSORBED MORE THAN 1 KILO OF ESCHERICHIA COLI BACTERIA FOUND IN FAECES, IN OTHER WORDS, WE ARE CONSUMING 1 KILO OF SHIT.

HOWEVER, WE DO NOT RUN THAT RISK WHEN DRINKING RUM, WHISKEY, BEER OR OTHER LIQUORS BECAUSE ALCOHOL HAS TO GO THROUGH A DISTILLATION PROCESS OF BOILING, FILTERING AND FERMENTING.

IT IS MY DUTY TO COMMUNICATE TO ALL OF YOU PEOPLE WHO ARE DRINKING WATER, TO STOP DOING SO, IT HAS BEEN SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN THAT IT IS UNHEALTHY AND BAD FOR YOU.
WATER = SHIT

ALCOHOL = HEALTH

FREE YOURSELF OF SHIT, DRINK ALCOHOL!!!

IT IS BETTER TO DRINK ALCOHOL AND TALK SHIT THAN TO DRINK WATER AND BE FULL OF SHIT!

Cheers!!! HIC HIC HIC… ;)

Funny quirky comments made by people I know

On a nice Saturday evening , while watchin tv I asked Ash if she'd like a Bacardi, she was like no i only drink Breezers??!!!
Ash also said, "U single people are single and miserable, i am double and still miserable:"

Bali was going to Delhi, by a sleeper class train, so his freinds asked him, how do u know that it is sleeper class?
Bali's logic ' Cos i slept in it!'

This one takes the cake, the cherry and the cream:
Brian, a friends’ brother’s college buddy, plays the guitar, and he needed a new string, so he walks into a music store and very ingenuously tells the man behind the counter , ‘I broke my G-String, Can I have a new one?’

One day my friend ash asked ‘why are potholes circular?’
And I answered without thinking, ‘cos they are round!!’

DID U KNOW????????? AMAZING...DON'T MISS THE LAST ONE

*Coca-Cola was originally green.
*The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
*The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
*The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
*TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
*Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!
*You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
*It is impossible to lick your elbow.
*People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart
stops for a millisecond.
*It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
*The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the
toughest tongue twister in the English language.
*If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
*Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history.
Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great,
Hearts - Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
*If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
*If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle
*If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
*What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser
printers all have in common?
Ans. - All invented by women.
*A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
*A snail can sleep for three years.
*All polar bears are left handed.
*American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from eachsalad served in first-class.
*Butterflies taste with their feet.
*Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
*In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
*On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
*Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
*Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
*The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
*The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
*The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
*Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over
million descendants.
*Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your
ear by 700 times.
*The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
*Most lipstick contains fis h scales.
*Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different
******And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!~!!!

Metamorphosis: that’s what life is all about!! (Along with lots of alcohol)

Its incredible how one can change everything, feelings, tastes, preferences, friends, likes, dislikes under the influence of alcohol.

What would the world be without any variety and alcohol??!! Or rather would there be a world with out variety and alcohol

Take my relationship for example: I’d like to refer to the guy ‘happy go lucky’ (whom I would like to eviscerate, but that’s another story, let’s stick to the topic)

It all started off as a huge crush I savored for almost a year, It was typically love at first sight or from the time I saw Mr. Hgl

We had the chance to meet from time to time, and well I am the romantic so I wouldn’t want to make the first move.

We became acquaintances the ‘Hi and how are u doing?’ kind. Slowly due to a common project we started chatting online, flirted a bit online but I guess either it was my Imagination or he was oblivious to the fact that I was flirting…
I wished him on his birthday…. Telling him a lil birdie told me it’s your birthday and so where’s mah share o cake? (I dint get any In case your wondering!)

Then I started or rather we started texting each other. We went out for a cuppa coffee and things started taking off from there on.
And In any case as Samantha Jones (Sex and the City) would say I’m a trisexual, I’d like to try anything once!! So I asked him out for a drink, over text messages, and boy was I creative in doing so, it was a torrent exchange of flirtatious messaging, which finally landed in on the BIG NITE, I was so confused, about the dont-kIss-on-your-fIrst-date thing but then, technically this was our second date (the first was the cuppa coffee thingie).

Anyways we went to a really nice place and bumped into people we knew, had lots of chilled beer, basically got smackered, went to a different place and while on the dance floor, we swayed and snogged to the music. It was the best moment of the whole evening….

Apparently in my drunken stupor, (I was told the next day) that I went up to a complete stranger and asked her for a smoke for Mistah HGL

That is how I would say that beer alters your approach to judgment making you do stuff you normally wouldn’t.

Driving in Asia!! Think again

This hilarious article was written by a Dutchman who spent two years in a country in Asia, as a visiting expert.

[And since his identity was kept as Anonymous, I took the privilege to remove the name of the city he was referring to and keep that part anonymous.

Call me a patriot or just plain editor, I jus dint want to mention the name of the country he was referring to.]

Driving in Asia

For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting Asia and daring to drive on this country’s roads, I am offering a few hints for survival. They are applicable to every place in this country except a certain other city, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer. Rroad rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company.

The hints are as follows:

Do we drive on the left or right of the road? The answer is "both". Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the generally intended direction. Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in reincarnation; the other drivers are not in any better position. Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back. Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.

Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts), or just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar. Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rainwater to recede when over ground traffic meets underground drainage.

Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.

Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi)

The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its
weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion enroute to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.

Mopeds

The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at
break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped" off the tarmac.

Leaning Tower of Passes

Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.

One-way Streets

These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed
in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type.

Least I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also. Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house. This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.

Night driving on these roads can be an exhilarating experience for those with the mental make up of Genghis Khan. In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes. Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught.

Truck drivers are the James Bonds of this country, and are licensed to kill. Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously.

- Anonymous

Alcohol Quotes by Famous People!

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants
us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite s e x without spitting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,
of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo
can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when
the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones
at the back that are killed first This natural selection is
good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the
regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we
know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Funny Links

Came across these links today.. really funny take a look

• Milli- This one has really funny videos
• Tongue Twisters
  
• Psychic reading test online- This one's a Fakey!! if u look closely and notice u'd know why.
• Ill Will- Another one with funny videos.
  

Hi

This is my first time... creating a blog... no idea wat am gonna write about but i guess thats the main reason am here....
am more of a writing person than some one who talks....as in i convey most of my feelings in text rather than saying it out loud..

Spent my day working and in between watching Desperate Housewives.. its an awesome series.. i follow that up with Sex and the City , which i watch at home....


Funny on my recent trip to Kolkata. i Saw this poster outside Music World on Park street ...Sax in the City!! Since we are avid watchers of the amazing show we took a picture next to it.....



So cute no??!! it was some Jazz club thingie!!!